13.9.12

Proud To Be A Woman-Child

Can we all please watch this rude, offensive bit of nonsense and discuss it? Deborah Schoeneman, one of the writers of Girls, is on the Huffington Post live panel slamming women who dress like 'women-children'. This was started by an article she wrote on the website on the subject. For a publication which seems to be pretty against slut-shaming, this just seems like the same thing- deriding women for making active choices regarding how they present themselves.

To equate Courtney Love's wearing of babydoll dresses with her infantilising herself is beyond offensive, and shows Deborah Schoeneman truly has no understanding of Love's ideologies. Asking a man what he thinks of a woman's choice to wear something girly is offensive, because it implies all my choices are made for the viewing pleasure of men. I will not change the way I dress to become a better product of the male gaze, and is some seriously heteronormative bullshit. To say that femininity must be 'authentic' for it to be justified is offensive. Nobody else gets to qualify or justify the way I dress. To make these sweeping generalisations about me based on how I present myself is ludicrously offensive, because it shows that you have no desire to engage with me about why I choose to dress the way I do, in novelty prints and full skirts and florals and frills. I am offended, and I am allowed to be, because I am not some passive sweet little baby despite what you may read from my love of pink puffy dresses.

And why do I choose to dress like this? Because I god damn like it, and I am allowed to. I am attracted to all things typically feminine, and I do not have to and will not ever apologise for this. I have always thought of fashion as the only mandatory form of engagement with art. If you want to live in mainstream society, you have to wear clothes. So I believe you should have fun with them. You should wear whatever you want even if it IS childish, skimpy, all-black, corporate, ripped or whatever. There is no correct way to dress. The concept of 'dressing your age' is outdated and silly, and entirely constructivist. You don't just get to say 'these are the fashion rules because I say they are and you need to dress how I like'. Why? Why should a woman only be taken seriously if she is wearing a suit? I need answers and justifications, not this classist, snobby crap.

Brad Beardall is featured on this video panel, whoever he is, and he doesn't get to tell women whether or not their choice to wear pink is valid or not. I am not going to explain all the ways in which I am an empowered woman, because I do not need to justify the fact that I am wearing a frilly carrot-print dress with a ric rac trim right now. This assertation also speaks down to implies women who make the choice to do 'non-empowered' (and I say that with quotation marks) things. Schoeneman says because some women write their own movies and make their own websites and other 'strong' things, it is OK for then to be a 'woman-children'. What? There is no condition of dressing in a youthful way. If a woman doesn't have a career in the business sector or doesn't challenge traditional notions of femininity, is she allowed wear girly clothes because it's more 'authentic' that way? Femininity, masculinity, or anything in between does not need to be justified by our actions. I don't need to dress in the costume of the demographic I belong to or the job I work.

And maybe the worst part of this all is that Deborah Schoeneman, backed out at (literally) the last minute from having Jess Mary, author of this great article on why the idea of the 'woman-child' is dumb, appear on this panel as her response was deemed 'too scathing'. Actually, Jess Mary debunks the myth of the 'woman-child', like so so so many other awesome ladies I could name. By being a strong, thoughtful, interesting, independent, mature woman who also chooses to sometimes wear 'childish' clothing or present themselves in a 'childish' way, Jess Mary contradicts this ridiculous idea that a love of a youthful aesthetic means you are a helpless baby. It seems like Schoeneman wants to have her cake and eat it too. She wants women to dress 'adult', but doesn't acknowledge the right of an adult to make their own choices.

My kitten sweater* and Heidi braids, like my hairy legs and lack of makeup, are choices I make because I like the way they look and the way they make me feel. However, they are also a 'fuck you' to people like Schoeneman who think their opinions are the be-all and end-all of gender politics. Deborah, I don't want your approval. What I actually want is to make you angry and disgusted at the way I dress, so you can keep feeling bitter and looking down on people arbitrarily, and so I can keep feeling awesome about my clothes. Because I do feel awesome about every last bow and frill. I am not 'scared of growing up' simply because I adore clothing with kitties on it, nor do I desire to go back to my childhood, or some synthetic romanticised conglomeration of childhoods. Brad Beardall's claim that I am scared of tackling big issues is made redundant by the fact that I just wrote like 1500 words on a Big Issue.

*My amazing kitten jumper was made by Joy White, amazing mum of the amazing Kelly White, and adapted from a pattern by Tiny Owl Knits. I will definitely be posting more on this later because it is the nicest, warmest, most beautiful quality thing I've ever owned and I've barely taken it off since I received it. Kelly is a great example of a funny, smart, cool, interesting entrepreneur who dresses in bright colours and novelty prints. Kelly has made her living making beautiful homewares and jewellery that are laden with cutesy nostalgia and childish goodness. Does that qualify her femininity enough for you, Schoeneman?

21 comments:

  1. I love you and this. I read the Jezebel article and was so enraged. Since when does liking glitter nail polish mean that you can't "obsess over a feminist article in The Atlantic or the dearth of female directors in Hollywood"? Last I checked, those things were not mutually exclusive. I am a smart, independent queer feminist who happens to love pretty dresses and bows but thanks, Deborah Schoeneman, for completely erasing my existence by equating adulthood, with getting married and having kids when I actually don't have the right to get married or adopt. Also, she is a writer for Girls. The show about a twenty something year old college graduate who can't cope when her parents stop paying her rent/giving her money after she has left home and she wants to criticise the "woman-child". Seriously?
    That kitten sweater is so awesome.

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    1. Exactly, the idea that there's one correct way to be an adult woman is so horrible and old-fashioned and exclusive. The idea that we have to justify our femininity is offensive, and I think Schoeneman is preaching girl-hate covered by a thin veil of fashion criticism.

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  2. This woman and her strange argument. A stlye of dress and aesthetic is representative of one's entire being; level of intelligence, social status, ETC - according to her. Sheesh, who knew so many things were to be weighed up before one left the house wearing a peter-pan collar?

    Then there's the part about women's ultimate status of marriage and childbearing. Surely feminist discourse had allowed us to move away from equating women's status with their fulfilment of such roles. There seems to be also some suggestion that once us 'women-children' move out of our parents home, marry, and pop out a few kids our aesthetic will immediately shift away from the 'girly' to the 'adult' - whatever that may be, mom-jeans perhaps? However I would like to think my hardened personal style will stay with me forever.

    Thank you so much for sharing this, and for providing me with drool-worthy material in that kitten sweater. To. Die. For.

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    1. Exactly exactly exactly, you totally get what I am feeling. I don't need to justify my pink dress by being a corporate woman or marrying a high-flying lawyer. Women have fought for decades to show people there is no correct way to be a female, and now Schoeneman's throwing it all back in our faces just because a certain look appeals to us. What a loser.

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  3. " I have always thought of fashion as the only mandatory form of engagement with art." I love this. And all of it, of course.
    Aside from this lady being just TOTALLY WRONG AND COWARDLY...this whole pro-male gaze thing she has going is so, so poorly argued. Like, she is saying that that we should dress for male attention but then brings up "women-children" like Zooey Deschanel, who guys go crazy for. And like obvs it's heteronormative as hell.

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    1. I know, it's such a weak argument, if it's an argument at all. Why she got some random unqualified dudebro on the segment to back her up and say some women aren't 'authentic' in their femininity is beyond my comprehension.

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  4. THANK YOU for so eloquently summing up a lot of what I feel :/
    It's rough, because like many vintage lovers I'm sure, I have my own complex ideology about the way I dress ("see, I'm being all -subversive- by embracing decidedly non-sexy, innocent styles..." etc.). Then others make these snap value judgments, and it kinda stings to realize they're perceiving my look in such a different way than I intended.

    Also, I was stunned by this line from Schoeneman: "[the 'woman-child'] truly believes that women are in it together... 'Women-children' are increasingly looking back to create a new common ground and it's a warm fuzzy ground." Sorry, this is bad how exactly?? This woman seems to harbor a lot of resentment and judgment, to the point where I feel more pity than outrage :(

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    1. It does sting, absolutely. I now want to dress even MORE vintage, feminine, pink, frilly and sparkly just as a big middle finger to people like her who think they know everything about me by looking at my outfit. I feel like dressing vintage can have its pitfalls ('you look like a fifties housewife! Women were so much more glamorous in those days' etc.) but it is something I love and I'll be damned if I let another woman tell me I'm wrong.

      That part was so upsetting. What sort of world is Schoeneman living in where women banding together is a negative thing? I am glad you guys have left me positive and insightful comments, because it shows we really DO want to work together and share a common goal. Preaching girl hate is pointless.

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  5. Pft what a stupid woman, I shall continue to wear my frilly socks until I am 70 xx

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    1. And I hope I will continue wearing my kitten sweater until I am the same age!

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    2. Freaking A, woman, I love you for this comment.

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  6. You are a farking brillant writer and this is a brillant post.Stupid fecking cow.I'm 45 and still like my girly shit 'cos it makes me feel fabularsehole!
    She's entitled to her opinion, sure, but it is unfortunately a SHIT opinion!!!
    None of need justify the way we dress to anyone.FARK her!
    I'm already mutton dressed as lamb and will continue,proudly,to be so.
    I love Hannah's short and succinct comment.She rocks!
    Your sweater is adorable and makes me feel frisky!
    XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

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    1. Helga, you are the absolute epitome of why Schoeneman is wrong! Your fierce, fun, engaging style contradicts everything she's spouting. You are honestly an inspiration to me and a testament to the fact that you don't have to be 20-something to have fun with fashion. I agree completely that her opinion is shit! Free speech means she has the right to say I'm infantilising myself, and that I have the right to rebut this argument and call her an idiot.

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  7. you are a huge babe and EVERYONE MAKES ME SO ANGRY!!!

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  8. Ugh, I'd never even heard of this until I saw your post. I amde it through a whopping 3 minutes of the video...when she referred to people as "women-children" the third time within a 30 second span, I turned it off. I don't understand it, and frankly, as you say, no one gets to tell me what I can and can't wear, so screw 'em all.

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  9. "I have always thought of fashion as the only mandatory form of engagement with art." Yes yes and YES.

    Thank you for writing in such an empassioned way about this, this is why I don't read Jezebel anymore, for sensationalist articles such as this. Obvs the woman still has some infantilising issues she needs to work out and quit projecting on everyone else. Novelty prints til the end!

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  10. oh its a sad world we live in! i cant believe someone who writes such a great, wacky and hilarious series can have that opinion. clearly jealously on a deep level. and she is also clearly a DICKHEAD. You are so great with your writing and i agree completely with everything!
    Thanks so much for the kind words about me and my work, you're too kind and I think regardless of how my femininity qualifies with Schoeneman, i'd much rather be friends with someone with awesome style like you than that bitter lady! So super glad you love your jumper too :) XX

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  11. Man alive, I couldn't agree more with this post. I am crazy tired and my brain is scrambled so I can't think of anything more eloquent and erudite to add to the discussion other than, hell yeah!

    Thanks for your comments on my blog. I'm rather taken with yours x

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  12. So much YES going on here! Nothing has aggravated me like people telling me what to wear. DO NOT TELL ME WHAT TO WEAR. It's no one's f*@%ing business what I wear. Ugh, yes. Agree agree agree.

    xoxo
    Remy
    mydailythreads.blogspot.com

    ps LOVE your blog-- definitely following!

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  13. Man, her whole argument/article was weird. Half the time I thought she was trying to say you aren't grown up until you marry and pop our a kid (real feminist there), or that she was annoyed people weren't having fancy dinner parties or were doing things she didn't find interesting. The other half I thought she was secretly jealous of others' success. SO confusing, and condescending at the same time.

    It really bothered me that there is apparently a school of thought that doesn't see the choice to wear what you want, be into what you want, is a huge step forward. This seems to be part of a larger argument that young adults are not becoming "adults." Well, too bad for those people. We've all figured out you can wear what you want, like what you want and still expect to be treated as a capable person. You rock the vintage look!

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  14. I'm a lesbian and I love kittens, puppies, pink things and bobby socks - so that negates the "dressing for men" thing. To quote Gwenyth "F*&% the haters!". Now, that sweater is SO AWESOME I may just die.

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