Girl in port

Photos by Logan, taken in a field near his house. Wearing a thrifted 70s dress.

Seriously now,

I recently had dinner with a group of old friends I hadn't seen in a while. When I made the announcement that I'd purchased a bikini, mouths hung open and silence reigned supreme. You see, I have not long been a bikini kind of girl. More of a crying in the changing rooms at how disgusting I look in a one-piece type. But recently things have changed a bit.

In my teenage years I've been at both ends of the weight spectrum, both overweight and unhealthy and very underweight and far more unhealthy. So I feel I am a somewhat qualified authority to say that being skinnier did not make me happier. Right now I weigh 11 kg (25 lbs) more than I was this time last year, and I have never been as happy with myself and the world around me. A lot of the credit for this paradigm shift, from counting every calorie meticulously to happily gorging myself upon Scrumpy and onion dip on a regular basis, goes to my boyfriend Logan. He has helped me to accept that I am not a disgusting person because I have some fat on my bones, that a woman who doesn't look like a pre-pubescent child is sexy, and has introduced me to some amazing foods and changed my eating habits for the better. He has helped me to realise that size and shape has no relation to being attracted to somebody, and doesn't change what kind of person I am.

I am so grateful for him and for finally being able to accept my body and my face, because hating yourself and being ashamed of how you look is crap. It permeates every aspect of your life and affects every choice you make, making it impossible to focus on working hard or doing well at school or even maintaining good relationships. Instead of being ashamed of my body, I am now ashamed of spending so much time obsessing and standing on the scales and feeling terrible. Because I am not a disgusting person, nor am I inferior to somebody who weighs less than me. I am still not completely happy with my body, and there will always be a tiny part of me that wants to lose weight, but I am going to continue muffling that voice with the sweet insulation of camembert cheese. It makes me feel sick to my stomach to think of how many peoples lives are dictated by outdated and unrealistic body image standards. I know 8 year-old girls who think they are 'fat'. I recently read an article in a magazine that informed me not everyone has a bikini body. What? Who says? That is so wrong, it's sad, it's terrifying.

I no longer give Cosmo and Dolly and Vogue permission to make me feel like a fucking piece of shit because I am not a size nothing. I have never worn makeup and I'm not sure when I'll start- nobody's opinion of me as a person is going to change if I cover up my freckles and undereye circles and whatever else is supposed to make me 'ugly'. I no longer feel ashamed of wearing a short skirt- nor a bikini. Its debut outing was at Christie's 16th birthday/pool party, and I was by no means the skinniest girl there. And what of it? I still looked great, regardless of my weight. I will judge you, a lot, if you dare judge me or anybody else or pass comment on their weight. It's pathetic and childish and can you actually not think of a better insult than 'she's so fat?' There are way too many horrible things going on in the world, let's try to put messed up body image to the side.

(Photo by Mitchell. Vintage bikini, Zara cardi and UO sunglasses.)

I know it might be scary and foreign to some people that a swimming costume that shows two inches of my torso be so anguishing for me. I'm just not going to feel like shit about myself anymore. So there.

Ghost girls

Today I managed to get a day off work, so Christie and I went thrifting! Of course.

First on the agenda was checking out our friend Timmy's amazing new tattoo. Then straight to the opshops!
We decided against these:


But did get some amazing stuff, including this sweater:

The reason I look so deliriously happy is because I have wanted this since I was fifteen! I saw it on the Forever 21 website many years ago and was so madly in love with it, but resigned myself to never owning it. I cannot believe it traveled across the globe to finally become mine! It's fate.

Christie wore a thrifted dress, bag from a market, Le Specs sunglasses, her nanna's belt and Chuck Taylors. Plus the usual crystal jewelry!

I wore a thrifted dress and belt, and UO sunglasses and shoes.

We were hot after all our amazing bargains, so cooled ourselves with ghostly gelato. A wonderful day had by all.

A pounce upon a peak

When I was in high school I volunteered to be the costume director for a play, the title of which is long forgotten. Mainly because this allowed me infinite and unsupervised access to the elusive and wonderful costume cupboard. A filthy, musty little room full of tangled wigs and shoes without pairs, there were some wonderful gems to be found. I spent hours in there, going over every rack and wondering who on earth relegated their vintage gems for high school students to run around in being Desdemona and Daisy Buchanan. Disgusted with how some of the lovely dresses (and 1950s school satchels) were being treated, I stuffed a couple into my backpack in the dead of the night, or probably during one of my many lunchtimes there. Yes, I stole from the school. And I'd do it all again.

This is, perhaps, my favourite dress ever. And considering I own about 75 and would estimate at least double that have passed through my hands, that is not a title I use lightly. It fits like a dream, the print is wonderful (sheep and fences), everything about it is perfect. It deserved to be saved from more years of abuse, and I take good care of it.



However, I fear it is coming to the end of its days. It was in terrible condition when I got to it, and is covered in little holes I've lovingly patched up. I'm not searching for a dressmaker who can replicate it for me two or three times in different fabrics, so I can wear it over and over and not fear that one day it will simply disintegrate on my body. Wish me luck.

Photos by Logan, as usual. Haters to the left, cheesy couples photos rule.

gif wonderment

An outfit post from Friday, as my internet was on the blink and has only just begun to work again. Animated for added excitement!

crop top from Wild Pair

chiffon skirt from a clothing swap

stay-up tights from my mother (her wedding tights!)

usual shoes because I'm lazy and I was only going to a French exam...

I'm loving summer over here, and now all of my exams are finished and it's five days until my birthday! I'm also moving house which adds to the excitement of my life.

On my birthday wishlist...

CRYSTAL JEWELLERY

BLACK CHIFFON CAPELET - my grandmother is making me one!

JEFFREY CAMPBELL LITA in this amazing tapestry fabric!

LOMO UNDERWATER CAMERA

+ many, many more things, but I think you get the idea!